Our three children organised a lovely week-end away for all of us further up the coast at a very nice home (airb&b) and we had an awesome time for our 40th wedding anniversary, culminating in a wonderful lunch/cake at a wine farm. There were 11 of us and although it rained it didn't dampen our spirits. Until we came to the Saturday night and my family demanded a speech from their dad. He was very serious about it and, not being good at words, he confined himself to thanking all of them for their thoughtfulness and telling them how proud we are of them all and that we couldn't have wished for better children. I added that when I had posted a picture of their dad playing Scrabble with me on a Saturday night at home - that is what constitutes love (he is not fond of Scrabble) and when there is a picture of the two of us on his boat, likewise they must know that I do this because I know he loves going out on the boat and I steel myself to both drive the trailer and encounter the sea (of which I am very afraid.) I suggested they extrapolate from these behaviours to their own marriages. My daughter then called upon my oldest son to reply but he was clearly totally unprepared and had nothing to say, so my daughter, bless her, the middle child, told us what wonderful parents we have been and we glossed over his embarrassment. Was there an elephant in the room? Does he not think we have been wonderful parents? Is it because of the unspoken 'situation' with his illegitimate child? My husband is going to visit his brother on 10th April (this means an airflight up North) and I shall have a chance to speak to my son alone. Will I do it? I'll let you know. I thought I might first ask my daughter-in-law how she feels about the whole thing. She supported my son at the time. They had been a couple at school, had a few years break, and then when 'it' all happened, she went with him to London. They were there for seven years and then returned to South Africa with their newborn daughter. Life quickly gets complicated. At least from my point of view.