Tuesday, 4 July 2017

Small Son Asks - Is She The One?

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We have been quite relieved that lately small son has settled down into a career that he enjoys - building houses with his brother-in-law. It's risky business but a great learning curve. At the same time, he is going out with a girl he knew at high school and has met up with ten years later. It seems they had both had their eye on each other for some time.  It's almost a year now and suddenly small son has been asking our advice. What to say? I am most reluctant to offer advice in this area.  If I am honest, my own 40-year marriage started out on the rebound and my husband is actually the polar opposite in every way to the man I thought I was in love with before. Typically of love in one's mid-twenties, a break-up is devastating at the time and one is extremely surprised and delighted to discover that true love can still happen after that. In fact, I had absolutely no doubt and not a moment's hesitation about getting married: we both just knew. But is it always so easy? These days, if you are pushing thirty and the clock is ticking it's likely that the couple have lived together for some time and have become perhaps a little comfortable. Does that mean the magic has diminished? Practical considerations seem to be that one is getting too old to risk looking for something different.  Where do you find the perfect someone? I prefer to stay out of this one.  I heard my husband advising, rather lamely, on the phone,  "Don't worry, you will just know".  In today's world, divorce seems to be easily on the cards and maybe the attitude of the young is that it is probably the right thing to do. It's a different generation.  Meanwhile we wait and see,


  1. My kids don't ask my advise, perhaps because they know I will give it to them!

    1. You are made of stronger stuff than I am.

  2. Remind him that if they have children & then their marriage doesn't work out that hes going to only see his kids every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer but be paying a lot of money for their upkeep. Can he see himself living with the mom for the next 20+ years while the kids grow up?

  3. I miss the era when divorce was an extreme option, and when living together without being married was unthinkable. I have trouble believing that unmarried couples are truly committed, because I see it as living in planned tentativeness, that is with one foot out the door.

    I don’t what you meant about housebuilding being risky. Maybe you meant financially. I’ve done a lot of carpentry, and the greatest risk I see in it is that it wears a person’s body out, and then the dust that gets into the lungs, and the noise that damages the hearing. Yet my father lived to be 85, and even then the only thing that failed him--aside from the slowing that came with age itself--was his heart, and since he refused to take pills, congestive heart failure finally took him.