Saturday, 1 August 2015

Old Flame

 
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A lot of things happened while we were away not least of which is that I got to see a video of our dear friends' wedding - 41 years ago.  At the time of viewing I was visiting them (in the city) but my husband was further north 'on safari' at his nephew's game farm, where his older brother, now ten years retired, enjoys many happy hours managing the game/fences/bore holes/repairs etc. My hubby is thus equally in his element. (Each to his own).  I meanwhile happily shopped and caught up with my girlfriends. So there we were, watching this rather amateur production with its fascinating memories: actually, I wasn't there, the wedding took place about two years before I met my husband.  But there he was: I have to say, I asked for the 'Pause' button to be operated whenever there was a glimpse of my beloved, tall, slim and blonde - and yes, I had to torture myself trying to have a good look at his girlfriend of the occasion.  As I thought: a complete contrast to myself: a nice-looking brunette with a good figure.  I tried in vain to catch them in a passionate clinch during the dancing, but they seemed to stay at their table. I experienced a tinge of jealousy: yes, that's what it was.  Illogical, I know, but there it is. We want to think that we have always been the sole focus of our beloved's attentions, even if we didn't know him then. Not so? The good part is that when I mentioned this girl to my husband when we were reunited, he couldn't even remember what she looked like nor what her name was.  (I promise you, he was not dissimulating - after 38 years of marriage I can recognise this much); more to the point, when my son-in-law phoned me for my birthday and I told him how I had seen my handsome husband of 41 years ago, he jokingly asked me how I knew it was him?  That was easy, I replied:  "He still has the same yellow/black/white striped tie in his wardrobe and he still can't dance."

7 comments:

  1. Fascinating post! Isn't it funny how illogically jealous one can get? My husband was married before we got married (38 years ago as well) and I had been engaged to a doctor who ended up writing a book with me and its success joined us professionally ever since. (We're working on a 7th edition of that book -- nearly 40 years after its original publication -- to be published next summer.) My husband has never been jealous because my former fiancee turned out to be gay. But he does get jealous when he sees another former boyfriend of mine, who is an actor, on television or in a film. I remember one excruciating time when we were watching him in a love scene in a film and my husband was making critical comments throughout -- and he had insisted on going to the film! That said, we're both usually good at taming the jealousy and it sounds like you are, too! I loved your ending!!

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    1. We just have to retain a sense of humor at all times. I love your story.

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  2. I find your jealousy rather charming and quite healthy. If you rolled your eyes (one of the big indicators I have read that a marriage will not last) and smirked, I would be worried about you. If you can feel the ticklings of the green god after 38 years of marriage, I say good for you! There is still blood and love pumping through your heart.

    To put this in context, think about this. In the US (can't speak for SA) half the couples that married the same year you and your husband married have been divorced for pushing three decades. Probably something approaching a third to half of those are working on marriage number three or beyond or have deserted the enterprise as totally hopeless.

    You have not only stayed married to this guy but feel a bit jealous over flings that occurred 4 decades ago! Excellent. Well done my dear, and your husband is an extremely lucky man!

    Another way of looking at this is that we are all the authors of our own histories, but there are a lot of coauthors or perhaps editors that step in, color a chapter in a certain direction, and then step out. We are a summation of our past experiences. Think of your own life, were there not (and I know from previous posts that there was) things that happened to you that made you appreciate the man who eventually became your husband. Perhaps you dated a man that wore perfect ties and could dance like Fred Astaire and treated you like crap. When hubby come along you were no longer enthralled by good dancers with a perfectly color coordinated tie. You and your husband were certain people to some degree defined by past experience and the summation of those experiences allowed you two to click and have a remarkable love story that has thrived for the past 38 years. Bravo!

    BTW I just celebrated my 38th anniversary...it seem to be a magic number in this discussion.

    But out of orneriness and lest you think me a prude, I consider my wife and I to be married 40 years. Our real wedding took place in bed, the first time we made love. That wedding was attended only by people who genuinely loved us, unlike the church wedding two years later that was attended by several people who thought us to be an affront to their delicate sensibilities and wished us less than well. Yet here we are, still together and still in love.

    Great post!

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    1. Definitely magic in the number 38

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    2. ...Although 40 may be more to the point

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  3. And is that the only tie he has in his wardrobe?

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    1. No, there are more - all of the same vintage.

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