Thursday, 20 November 2014

That Perfunctory Hello/Goodbye Kiss and Holding Hands



I saw Kelsey Grammar on TV the other day, talking about his happiness with his 'new' wife and baby. Maybe this time it will last for him.  Not easy to be this kind of celebrity. One thing I remember from the interview that stuck in my mind was him saying that he had been missing a 'real' kiss for so long in his previous relationship. This got me thinking:  every morning when my husband goes to work, he kisses me goodbye.  He has always done it - for 37 years and ditto when he comes home (I've always arrived home first). I noticed that his father always did it too. My dad tried: my mom was usually cross with him for some reason and would try to avoid it. Sometimes I've been surprised that I've got my morning Goodbye: there are times when I've forgotten to put the geyser on and he had a cold shower, and there are the times when I forgot to buy toilet paper/eggs/bread etc. Regardless and no matter how frustrated he might be, he always kisses me goodbye. I understand now that it means that no matter the hassles of ordinary everyday life, he still loves me, no matter what.  It sets the tone for the rest of the day and allows for new beginnings.  Besides it sometimes lasts for up to two seconds.  That's not so perfunctory after all.  What will we do when he retires? We'll have to make another plan. To digress slightly: I draw your attention to  how many older couples hold hands in the street (and not just to steady each other).  Have you ever noticed how sensitive the insides of your palm are? Must be a lot of nerve endings. Delicious and intimate. Well, that's my thought for the day.

8 comments:

  1. I am still formulating a sufficiently witty reply, but on an altogether different topic, in regards to Olga's post about mammograms, do not take my ambivalence regarding one year cycles as advice. For women with no family history, 2 years may be sufficient then again maybe not--I have no expertise in this area. However, I have no ambivalence regarding women who are currently or have recently used HRT to moderate menopause. Definitely get a yearly mammograms and pelvic exams and continue to do so until your health provider would indicate otherwise.

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    1. Yes - been on hormones for about 12 years. Won't give them up because of huge benefits re vaginal lubrication etc. Go for all the tests though every year. About 20% of women are on hormones the rest of their lives, mostly because the horrendous hot sweats don't go away.

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    2. I am clearly out of my element here, but the little I know about it, I am no fan of HRT. How much of that is based on good research and how much is simply medical fashion, I can't say. I should keep my opinions to myself, because they are clearly opinions and not fact.

      I had the good fortune or misfortune (what ever your particular beliefs) to have tonsillitis in odd years when I was growing up, as such I had it when tonsillectomies were out of fashion. In even years they seemed to be in fashion and half of a generation had their tonsils removed. Alas not so lucky in the fashion of circumcision. Yes I am a member of the Gomco Clamp designer pecker generation...function takes a back seat to fashion.

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  2. Good bye and welcome home kisses, and holding hands are forms of non-sexual touching and convey genuine bonded affection. Couples may sleep together for many different reasons, but they generally only touch each other when they are genuinely in love with each other. Sex can be extremely selfish, genuine affectionate touching is always an act of generosity of heart and spirit.

    My wife and I seldom hold hands while in public. One reason is that the difference in our height seem to make hand holding while walking awkward. The other is that my wife's hands are extremely erogenous, and I can't seem to innocently hold her hand without it descending into unseen erotic gestures that get us both fired up at inappropriate times. Your comment regarding the inside of one's palms is spot on. So are the finger tips. A little circular motion of one of my finger tips (that particularly symbolic finger located between the index and ring fingers) on the palm of her hand can generally cause fireworks in both of us. We have had hand copulations while innocently sitting at family occasions that no one knew anything about.

    I seldom walk by my wife in the house that I don't pat her rump, kiss the back of neck, squeeze her arm, give a mini-hug, or just bump into her or brush by her. One thing that I did learn fairly late in life, casual boob grabs are verboten. I read this and then I asked her about it. A pat on the ass is wonderfully affectionate, a boob grab is an act of aggression. I never realized that. In my mind, the behaviors are much the same, but apparently some women are unpleasantly surprised by a boob grab. (Bear in mind I am talking about established intimate couples, not casual social contact.) Perhaps it is the same thing as grabbing a man's testicles. Men need to think a little harder.

    Great post! We old long term monogamists need to share the secrets of longevity in relationships with the young'ins.

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    1. Great comment - isn't love grand? NB - I also don't like boob grabs. Agree - always just that little bit aggressive, but mostly because any such grab usually hurts.

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  3. BTW, good thing you only hold those kisses for 2 seconds, look what happens when you kiss for 10 seconds:

    http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode/steamy-smooches-share-batches-of-bacteria/

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    1. Oh my goodness - where do you find these things? Still, I'll take my chances with the shared microbes I have with my husband. However, it does reinforce my determination to continue resisting having to kiss all his old uncle and aunts/babies etc on the mouth - even if said mouth is closed.

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  4. I love this post! My mom always wriggled away from dad too. We try to be more loving in our house so that our kids grow up with that awareness that it's not only okay it's celebrated.

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