Saturday, 9 February 2013

Anger


A friend died this morning. He had a heart attack while he was in hospital recovering from surgery. He wasn't ill, but had reported a pain in his arm.  His wife had just received recognition in her work and a major promotion, aged 60.  They had everything going. They were devoted to each other.  Why??  I am so angry I can hardly speak.  This is just final confirmation for me. There is no God. Life is just pointless.

10 comments:

  1. It is so very hard to make sense of things like this. My sympathies.

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  2. Fiftyodd, my sympathies to you and your friend. You are angry and justifiably so, but I am going to take exception to what you said.

    Whether there is a God or not, I don't believe life is pointless, if so you would not give a rat's ass about your friend dying. So there is a point to it. It doesn't always live up to our expectations and for some life is horrifically cruel, but I think there is point to it, and I think you believe so as well.

    Look your husband in the eyes and tell me there is no point to life. Tell me that the happiness that you and your husband have shared over the past 37 (?) years is pointless. The children that you have created? Pointless? I don't believe it and neither do you. Your friend's death is no doubt a tragedy and it is a tragedy precisely because life does have a point and we are supposed to live longer than sixty something.

    I am not criticizing you, just asking you that within anger, which is justified, make sure you grab your husband and hold, kiss, and love him and give thanks to God, if you can find it in your heart, that you still have each other.

    That is the cruelty of living a loving life, we all have to part this world and we leave some pretty wonderful people behind to grieve us. Seems unfair, but its all that we have.

    I am very sorry to hear about your friend.

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    1. As usual, you are right, SExtant, and I heed your advice. I just wonder when it will be my turn to have to survive such a cruel bereavement. Meanwhile, I count my blessings.... (why am, so undeserving by comparison, so lucky so far???)

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    2. Sorry, 'typo', 'Why am I..."

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    3. I don't think you are undeserving. I think you are pretty much like the rest of us, a good person with ordinary human flaws. What? You should be Mother Theresa to deserve to live with out grief? Alas your day or husband's day will come, but let's not do anything to usher that date along. Grief and anger are not good for longevity.

      There are a lot of rotten evil people who will live to be a ripe old age. As we speak, some innocent kid is dying a horrid death from some nasty disease or in a rotten war someplace. Evil in the world remains inexplicable and it is a fools game to try to justify it.

      If it will make your feel better, OK I agree, you are undeserving. Back in 1972, I was little more than a woman chasing (to little avail). drunken, atheist participating in what some would call an immoral war by being a member of the US Military. One night I was spared a head on collision with a speeding 18 wheeled tractor trailer rig by what I can only call Divine intervention. Quite simply I should be dead--there is absolutely no logical reason why I am alive today. That did change my opinion on the atheism, but not the woman chasing (still to little avail) and the drunkenness. So why me? Why of all the rotten underserving son of bitches that walked the face of the earth, was I spared? Well it was not because I was God's gift to women...that endeavor remained largely unfulfille, but I maintained plenty of impure thoughts.

      Then one day it hit me with utter clarity. God was sparing the truck driver, not me. God is a pragmatist. It is easier to move a small car to the side of the road than to steer a speeding truck around it.

      So taking Sextant's parable of the Mojave and applying it to your life, indeed you are undeserving, its your husband God is looking after.

      I don't really believe that about you, but like I say if it makes you feel better. have at it.

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  3. Death stops the current arc of our lives, asks us to pause. We're just finite being, with no guarantees for a long, happy life. We only have this moment, and we can enjoy it, indulge in it, and appreciate all the joy that this moment contains or keep looking for something else, keep expecting more and more.

    I know you and your friend's family are suffering, a pain not easily comforted. Only time will help.
    And good friends who continue to spend time with you when you are angry, discouraged, sickened with grief.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Life feels terribly unfair, adversity so random and pointless, so often. I so understand your anger at this tragedy befalling such a dear friend. And it comes from your warm and loving connection with this couple. Loving others brings such joy and such pain. And yet, when there is love and connection, there is hope as well, even though it's so hard to see in the middle of shock and pain. My heart goes out to you.

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  5. Thank you all so much. You each provide much comfort and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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  6. I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. Life is so fragile, one never knows what will happen in the next, minute, hour or day. Please hang in there, I do believe that life is wonderful, but about God, I have my questions, losing my Mom when I was a wee one and tormented by others because of it..life is so precious, love is the answer, I will pray for you to be healed and I send my prayers and chants for a good,loving life..Please hang in there, you are a precious soul, the loss of your friend has devastated you for the moment, it will be better but just hang in there, time will heal your broken heart..ciao and peace!

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    1. Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much these comments mean to me. It must be the most difficult thing in the world - to know what to say to comfort the bereaved. I am very bad at it myself. I try to avoid the whole thing, in case what I offer is trite and meaningless.

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