Wednesday, 30 November 2011

The Dog Whisperer and Girls of the Playboy Mansion

I am trying to analyse my fascination with these two shows (include "Dr 90210") since I do not watch 'soapies' (or perhaps these qualify?). I have two university degrees (thus hopefully a reasonable brain)  and the two shows don't appear at first glance to have anything in common - apart from being undemanding viewing.  Well, I guess that's one reason: I don't have to concentrate. The common factor seems to be my fascination with psychology, whether human or animal. And I absolutely love dogs, although we haven't had one for many years: they die too young and lately we need to be able to lock up and go. However, I have told my husband, that should he kick the bucket before me, I shall immediately purchase a dog to love, cuddle and have sleep in my bed. My husband was not impressed. Should I follow this course of action though, I foresee that I should rapidly be in need of the services of Cesar Millano as I should be a useless pack leader. I don't like having to be in a position of authority so really I should never own a dog.  Heigh-ho!  I'll probably get a budgie. Of course,I might die first....  That doesn't bear thinking about because, being a man, my husband would have to find another wife. Maybe not straight away because he does not need 'looking after', being a perfectly accomplished chef, handyman, housekeeper, car mechanic, gardener, etc. He is also a dab hand with my sewing machine: he can also knit.  As far as the other show goes, I am lost in admiration that these girls are clever enough to carve lucrative careers for themselves by exploiting men (I don't see it as the other way round), getting themselves boob jobs and adopting dumb blonde attitudes. Way to go!  I can't however understand how they can stomach going to bed with a man they haven't grown old with and I'll never understand how their lives are just one big party.  Boring!  I'm fascinated nonetheless! Obviously, I all the photos of Hef and his girls are copyright-protected.


  1. I like your analysis of these two shows...I do not understand these girls either??

  2. Well I am into cats not dogs. Cats are just simpler, and they seem to have an 1 to 1 mass ratio on their digestive tracts. Put 1 pound of food in, you only get one pound out. Dogs, for some reason, seem to operate on a 1 to 5 ratio. Put one pound in, and you get 5 pounds out. I don't understand the principle, but if it was anything other than dog crap, it would be of great value.

    As far as kicking the bucket, my wife and I plan to go out together. When one of us is 99, I will loosen up the fittings on the furnace gas line. We will then get intimate. The hope is that at the precise moment that we mutually fly off to Oz, the furnace will explode and melt us into an inseparable mess requiring a funeral for two with only one coffin. This will serve three purposes.

    1) Totally scandalize my son at our funeral. "What exactly happened to your parents that they had to be buried in a single coffin?" "Well ah ah..." Ha! Ha!

    2) I find the notion of our skeletons locked in an amorous embrace for all eternity to be oddly romantic.

    3) I think it will be really cool for both of us to show up simultaneously at St Peter's gate without a stitch of clothes on, all sweaty, and silly grins on our faces. Get the joint buzzing a bit.

    My gender's attraction to fake boobs have always been something of a mystery to me. I suppose I am just a very odd man, I find normally proportioned women with big brains to be really sexy.

  3. Sextant - you are really funny! Have you ever considered stand-up? I think you could rival Seinfeld, my all-time favourite.

  4. NB - My husband must have come out of the same stable as yourself re false boobs.

  5. I snooped around some of your old blog entries, and must say I am very impressed with your blog and even further impressed with you, your husband, and your marriage.

    I must confess however feeling a bit abashed about my diatribe in the previous post after reading about dolphins. It would seem that I am a lost babe in the woods.

    Well your husband comes from a stable that prides itself in maintaining excellent tastes in women, as well as loving, and appreciating them. I think your husband is a keeper, and a very lucky man.

    Regarding fake boobs, I fail to see what the "big" deal is. They look harder than a rock, not at all nice to cuddle up with, and I don't imagine they function well after being hacked and distorted. Surely there has to be nerve damage and loss of sensitivity. That to me would be a great loss for not only the woman but the man as well. You know some things just can not be improved. I don't have much respect for men who get a charge out of the disfigurement of women. The cartoonish proportions should appeal to the mind of 13 year old boy learning what he can do with an erection. If fake boobs are so great, why not get a blow up doll to take to bed.

  6. Funny, I was just thinking of writing a post today to ask who looks around in the blog archives, because I've been blogging for about six years now and often feel I said most of what I wanted to say in my first year (average of 3 posts a day (!) on the South African blogsite "iblog". When I find a blog I like, I always dig around in its archives. I see you are of like mind. You're next on my list! Meanwhile, I don't blog every day - try to find something fresh to say about something new, or at the very least - a different angle on something old. NB. I've also wondered about the nerve loss probability when they move nipples around.

  7. I wished I blogged more often but seem to only blog when the spirit moves me. I can't force myself to blog--well I could but no one would want to read it. So I generally only do a few posts each month. My posts are too damned long. I need to shorten them up and post more often, but like I say, the spirit has to move me, and apparently the spirit tells me what to write. I have only been blogging for about 18 months. I was very active on a car forum prior to that. I had about 2700 posts on the forum. A couple kids come into the forum and changed the nature of it altogether and I dropped out. It was getting pretty intellectually stultifying any how. You can only write so much about changing an oil filter. So I enjoy blogging far more. It sort of fulfills my need to write, especially now that I am retired. I did a lot of technical writing at work and while I don't miss it per se, it did provide some outlet for the odd desire to write.

    Moving things around can't be good. I can't imagine that jam packing the breast is good for the natural tissue either. I wonder, can they still breast feed a baby? My guess for these far out jobs, they are too butchered and serve no purpose beyond ornamental. Women are just naturally beautiful, making a caricature of a bimbo of oneself is just terribly sad.

  8. I once saw on an episode of Dr 90210, a stripper having implants removed in order to insert even bigger ones. Her own breast tissue seemed to be non-existent - just two saggy flaps of skin! Blogging is great, I do it mostly to satisfy my own urges to write, but it is so great if someone comments. I haven't joined a lot of sites - feel I ought to follow each one that I choose - (how do some people list 100s?) What was your final job in your working life? How do you find retirement? Some of the women say we must establish 'ground rules'. e.g. I'm not making you coffee and tea all day long.

  9. Oh, apparently, you can breast-feed with implants - it depends in which part of the breast they have been put. Apparently, they can also survive the mammogram machine !!!!!

  10. The damn things always look like they are going to explode, I would be afraid to get a mammogram from what my wife has told me. Boom, boom! One difficulty with breast feeding, the poor child would be so far away from his mother, he or she would be cold and lonely.

    Your blog is excellent. You have a wonderfully lucid writing style and I love how you handle sensitive subjects. I have enjoyed snooping about. I commented on the shaving post back in November 2010. I also started to comment on the circumcision post in January of 2011, but when it started to exceed five pages on Word, I decided to post it on my blog.

    I love comments also. People will often bring up their own experiences or mention something that I didn't think of. Comments give the blog life, and it is nice to know someone is actually reading it.

    Have I scared off your regular readers? I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and that makes some people uncomfortable.

    I was a test engineer at a company that made heavy electrical equipment. I worked there 35 years. I love retirement, the only thing I find oppressive is the damned clocks are permanently stuck in high speed week end time. No job to slow the clocks down! My wife makes the meals and I do the dishes, but otherwise she does not wait on me, and I stay the hell out of her way. I don't want to be constantly underfoot. We both seem to have adapted to retirement very well. I am totally amazed, I don't miss work at all. I miss some of the people, but that is it. I spent my last some odd months in misery worrying about whether I was doing the right thing. It was right. I love retirement. And you?

    Great blog, keep up the good work.

  11. It's not quite how I imagined as yet since my husband has another two years of a 12-hour day to go - if he can last that long. He needs to because of having to pay off our second house. I suppose I could work again but he finds it too stressful when I do, as I usually then put more into work than home and him. I hadn't really bargained on my daughter being in such a rush to get married and have children as it was never part of my own life plan. I was actually totally against marriage at one stage: the net result is that I have had grandchildren living nearby for the last four years, so I find I have to help out quite a lot - which of course, is both a learning experience and a great delight (most of the time). I've never missed my own jobs (I never wanted to teach and disliked it quite a lot): I much preferred secretarial work and managing the team of girls for "Undercover Fun" (I think you've read those blogs re 'dolphins'. It was quite a crusade on my part doing the dems and hoping to persuade 40-year old plus women to keep their sex lives going.... and tips on how to do it! Still, I've never liked doing the same thing for long, which is why I taught about six different subjects at High School - I had to learn as I went along, which suited me fine. But teaching the same things the next year always palled very quickly. I love reading, writing and going to movies. I don't get many comments on my blog. Interestingly, the most ever were for a post about how best to hang one's washing on the line. However, I wasn't surprised as I once heard a talk on BBC RAdio 4 Women's programme about how often one should wash one's sheets. This drew a deluge of e-mails and phone calls! My husband can't wait to retire: he will be like my dad, busy with 'projects' to the day he dies. NB. My dad is still going at 94... More anon. Enjoying our chats...

  12. I feel for your husband. Retirement was always something I tended to avoid. Oh I'll look at it when I am ____ (fill in some convenient far off age), and when that age would come, just add a few years. So 15 months ago my plan was to look it at 65. Then about 14 months ago I had a bit of a melt down at work, 2 weeks of un-relenting 12 to 18 hour days, on a job turning to hell in a hand basket. I was exploding a numerous times a day. Another project that I was responsible for was cooking up and due to one of these the money is available now type of things it just exploded. It involved travel. So it starts out three months, then went to 5 months, then went to 7 and then 9 months (which conveniently was delivered to me during the two weeks of hell). So my working future for 2011 was at least 9 months of travel...2 weeks out, 1 week back, 2 weeks out...etc etc, & it is still growing. When I would be back I would be working around the clock on that other stupid project which I hated, and it just occurred to me. I will not make it to 65, I can retire or I can die--either way I will not be working until I am 65.

    So I checked my numbers and they were better than I thought they would be, I gave them 7 months notice and retired in May which was a convenient 62 with 35 years. We are not living high on the hog, but we can make it. Well I don't think I had much choice. You can't go around P.O.'d all the time. I was worried about being bored, feeling unproductive, missing work. Ha! There are not enough hours in the day!

    What I would have liked to have done was retire and contract out on the job with travel. Rent a house and take my wife with me. When there was work, work...then off for week, and kind of tour around down south. The job is not all that demanding although it was 14 hours a day with the commute. But my wife has to care for her mother every week so she couldn't leave, so I just retired.

    Well grandma, you are living up to your evolutionary responsibilities helping out with the grandchildren. Human beings are the only species on earth (I think but I could be wrong) that has a menopause. Why? So grandma can help watch the grandchildren while mum gathers fruits, vegies, nuts, and grubs (yummy) while the hubbys are out trying to get an antelope. Maybe they will, probably they won't, but everyone still has to eat. So there you go. Grandfathers? I don't know what they are supposed to do other than pat grandma on the behind and watch out for flapping eyelashes! I know one thing, with my knees and back I am not about to be out chasing down an antelope.

    The Undercover Fun crusade sounds really cool, but teaching high school, not so cool. Although, if I had to do it all over, I would get a degree in history and try to teach college at some out of the way rural college lost in the countryside far away from any city. Some place where they don't expect any academic accomplishments, just teach students who have no interest, but must have the credits. I don't think I could tolerate all the policeman duties of a high school teacher. Anyhow there should be some good posts about the dolphin days! Well probably some about high school too.

    I can believe the hanging clothes / washing sheets controversies. If you are ever in a bar and the subject of oil changes or oil filters comes up. Leave quickly before the brawling breaks out. Good God I never seen so much passion over what is the best weight of oil to use and how Honda's recommendations are a huge plot to _______ (fill in the blank with whatever loony notion comes to mind). Hmmmm. Imagine the brand wars that one could generate over dolphins! I enjoy the chats as well.

  13. My husband is in the servicing side of the trucking world - best oil is unbelievably expensive now, but apparently is a must-have or the engines get very disagreeable - all customers moaning about cost..No discussion about that please as I really know nothing....!! Guess what - my husband wants a sextant (note: lower case!) for Christmas for his boat. I am off to search on e-bay.

  14. Best to remain innocent in the world of oil or wear a Kevlar vest.

    Be prepared to part with some cash if you want to buy a real sextant for the purpose of navigation. I looked about 10 years ago when I bought my first GPS and decided it was out of my league. I bought a cheap plastic one to play with, but it is really junky, almost unusable. Not sure what you are after, but they do sell some decorative sextants that look the part for less money, but be careful they look great in the photos but what are they like in your hand?

    Celestial navigation is difficult. Latitude (north south) is very easy although I don't know what star one would use for the pole star in the southern hemisphere. We use the Polaris up here. Longitude (east west) is difficult due to time differences and that the sky of course rotates, so there is a number of variables to account for. I learned enough about it to hang myself, I understood the principles but couldn't actually do it. I have forgotten it all by now, but it is one of my fascinations. Good luck with the search.

  15. hmmm.... soon discovered what you mean about cost. forwarded a weblink to my husband who got all excited and then read the small print - it was only a model! Doubt whether we can afford the one he really wants.

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