Monday, 17 January 2011

Mothers and Daughters

..... April, 2008

Now that there is a first grandchild, and we have all moved on a step, adjusting to our new roles, I see that there are lines over which I may not step. It appears that no matter how pertinent and useful my well-intended, if for the most part strenuously suppressed advice is, it is not as welcome as the SAME tips from almost any other source. I find I have to tread extremely warily with my daughter, partly because she has always been a very independent and wilful person (although compassionate and sweet as well) but I sense that she has perhaps never forgiven me for the time when I was 5 minutes late to fetch her the day she started Big School. That day I finally managed to find her about three blocks away, determined to find her way home by herself. Then to further illustrate her character, there was the time when she, newly arrived in London, aged 18 (against parental advice, I might add, we said she should study first,) she was marooned at a deserted tube station after midnight when the tubes had shut down, half way home, no idea where she was and no cell phone or money (spent it at the pub with her SA friends). There she was wandering the streets, crying, until a kindly motorist gave her £10 for a taxi. How lucky was she !! She told us about this in an e-mail later which began: “You will laugh when you hear this story...”. On second thoughts, I shall resist any further attempts to ‘interfere’ with her and her baby. I shall just stand on the sidelines and be around if needed. She has none of the insecurities I had at her age: she is her father’s child.


  1. My daughter was always a bit timid, and I urged her to step beyond boundaries to take charge of her fears. She did! And I've loved watching her. She still has moments when she slides back into the old hesitance, but she emerges every time stronger. I'm glad she grew to who she is. She now needs all the backbone she can muster with a difficult situation in her life, and it is there holding her up straight and proud. As hard as it was to push, to let go, to not rescue, I'm so happy and proud to see who she has become. Daughters are amazing creatures, aren't they?

  2. Abosolutely astonishing creatures! Good luck to your daughter - I'm sure she will cope fine. At least she knows her mom is there as backup!