Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Great Loves

Have you ever had one - or more? It’s something we all deserve but many never experience: some think they have it - but with time but it fades away, or worse morphs into a bitter parting, its origins a fantastical dream. For the lucky few, the dream lasts ‘until death do us part’. There are many examples of the statistical lucky few: just look at your local paper and the pictures of devoted old couples celebrating their 50th and 60th anniversaries. My literary favourites would be Abelard and Heloise and Cathy and Heathcliffe (Wuthering Heights). I was watching this week another ‘diet’ programme on BBC Prime, in which a complete fatty family goes over to the US for a ‘fat camp’ in a smart hotel setting. Not the husband though: he remained behind, content with his (fat) stomach straining the seams of his fishing stool. Both husband and wife were discreetly interviewed concerning their feelings about their partners’ excess pounds and the possible shedding thereof and even more discreet fishing about their feelings for each other. Typically, the wife was able to say, “…..he’s my life, he’s everything to me” (albeit somewhat embarrassed to produce the words), whereas the husband would only say, laconically, “…she knows how I feel about her.” Sometimes we females might wish our partners of some years would vocalise their feelings more as they did in the beginning but realistically, how often can you say the same things without eventually sounding clichéd? For many, actions are more diverse and speak louder than words: for example my man spent an afternoon replacing all the old plugs on chains in my house, with those nice pop-up ones. And I hadn’t even asked (well, not recently). This has completely changed my life! I am now a much nicer person. I know he would much rather have gone fishing. I love him for that.


  1. I am one of the lucky few. After 12 years of marriage my wife and I find we are more in love than ever. Despite many ups and downs we have always worked through everything together and never let anything affect our love for each other.

    I have always made it my habit to say "I Love You" the last thing before we are to be away from each other for any reason. I use the word "habit" intentionally and it is accurate. The words jump to my lips unbidden and I find that I say them without thought even though they still hold the same connection in my heart that they always have. I used to think this wasn't a good thing but then I realized that the habit itself is an expression of love. Of course I try to show my love in other ways as well as often as I can.

    I often find tears in my eyes as I witness an elderly couple holding hands and unabashedly showing their love for each other despite many years of marriage and I aim to be one of those couples.

  2. We just had our 30th anniversary on Monday. We still hold hands...sometimes.

    He spent the day at the hospital while I had surgery, and I know he would have rather have gone fishing.

  3. Book Nut - you will certainly be 'one of those couples'. What a lovely comment. Actually, to be totally honest, I have to say that after 33 years of marriage we say "I love you" almost every day - and it doesn't feel like a cliche at all. There is nothing that can take the place of experiencing 'life' with all its ups and downs with the same person. It's extremely special. One just have to be careful about one's choice in the first place. We only got married when we were both nearly 30.

  4. Vodka - you have a really special man.