Wednesday, 19 August 2009

Middle-aged Sex




Be warned - this concerns Danny the dolphin who is a vibrator……think back about 15 years. (NB This pic I found on Google looks very like our dolphin except that the little object on the side is apparently a 'rockinrabbit' and our dolphin was pink plastic not transparent. No matter. Suffice it to say that any vibrator without 'a little something on the side' is not worth the time of day.)

Fifteen years ago I had been married for 15 years, we had just moved provinces and it was becoming clear that I would be unable to find a job in my previous field of employment (teaching). My husband saw this ad. “Agents wanted……’ and persuaded me to go to an interview. So began a 5-year involvement with a party-plan oganization which took the entire country by storm. We sold underwear, sex toys and vibrators of which by far the best seller was “Danny” dolphin. From my point of view our parties had both a fun and a serious side . I was then in my forties and found that my husband and I were not averse to investigating some ‘fun’ ways of varying our bedroom experience and I was on a mission to promote the importance of maintaining the sex lives of long-married ladies as, according to my husband, some of his colleagues occasionally let slip that their wives had mostly lost interest and this was starting to cause problems. One very attractive woman, with an equally attractive husband, confided to me that she had hoped that ‘all this business’ would stop now that they had become grandparents! They were only 45. “Remember, ladies!” we would admonish, “men produce new sperm all the time and it builds up pressure. Rather this is released in your bed than in someone else’s!” “We have been designed to be accommodating,” we would emphasize. Not for us, the physical difficulties of having to be obviously lusting for one’s partner! No, we can easily pretend when necessary, and with a little forethought and love - we can always make our partner think he is a marvellous lover and that we welcome his attentions. Usually, we can even orchestrate things to the point that we get an extra hour’s sleep! For those with lubrication problems, we would recommend a quick self-ministration in the bathroom, after cleaning one’s teeth. This ploy would delight the man and shorten sometimes tediously long sessions of foreplay, which, though well-meant can be totally counter-productive when the recipient is exhausted and merely longing for sleep. Let him drive your dolphin however, and you might even wake up! With 3-speeds, a modest-sized plastic male member for inside and the sweetest little dolphin with a naughty nose and his own motor for outside - and with these two working independently of each other in different directions - well, need I say more?

There was a huge demand for dolphins across the spectrum of the married, the single and probably the in-betweens. We did stress, however, that he could not substitute for a relationship. He was just a piece of clever plastic and the waters needed to be tested before simply arriving home with a vibrator and waving it excitedly about. My husband couldn’t keep up with repairs - sometimes the gears needed adjusting as they might arrive ex factory overgreased. Once he removed the insides from one dolphin whose owner complained she had only had it a month and it had packed up.
“My God, she’s burnt out the motors!”, he breathed, impressed!
Thank goodness, that with careful maintenance mine is still going as I wouldn’t know where to buy one today. What fun we all had.

4 comments:

  1. What a great post. Never been to a sex toy party although I have heard of them of course.

    And have a look at annsummers.com lol...

    xx

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  2. Her parties in the UK were the inspiration for ours.

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  3. You need to pick and choose your parties. Ours were always tasteful, never vulgar. As you can see, we never called a spade a spade!

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  4. Posts will slow up now as i am off the UK tonight for two weeks. My brother uses Linux and I can't always get it to work for my blog! Cheers for now!

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